Imperfect Contrition
by EZRocksAngel
Summary: Decades after Bella's change, Bella and Edward finally discuss the difficulties with their marriage when faced with a version of their former selves. AU, Alternate Breaking Dawn
1. Chapter 1

This little fic is for Wolves&Vamps who honored me by spending her hard earned cash for the Support Stacie Auction on me and my writing skilz. She gave me a prompt which i immediately changed. This is a story in 3 parts...i will update again in a couple of days. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**The guilty one is not he who commits the sin, but he one who causes the darkness. ~Victor Hugo**

oOo

Curled in my chair, the big squishy one by the fireplace, I flipped through the pages of my latest manuscript. This one was under the penname _Carlie Phoenix_ and was part of a series about a serial killer in the early twentieth-century Chicago. The books were best sellers, historically accurate, but dark enough to appeal to a broad readership. I had planned to send the draft to my editor in the morning, so I picked up my pen, and I made some revisions.

I glanced across the room at my muse, in a matching chair of his own, nose deep in a medical journal; handsome, young and eternally mine.

He caught me staring and lifted his rich amber eyes for a moment and smiled briefly before glancing back at the page in front of him.

We were comfortable in this home, deep in the forests of Montana. We both had to drive large trucks to get in and out of the property to manage the terrain, but the scenery and privacy were worth it.

Edward was a physician in the nearest town, blessing the happy citizens with the most well trained doctor they would ever encounter. After so many years, and the realization that if he could resist my blood he could resist anyone's, Edward followed Carlisle's footsteps and began practicing. While he worked at the clinic in town, I stayed home, maintaining the house and fulfilling my dream as a writer.

We were happy.

Edward and I were living the life of a fairy tale. The early days of our romance were filled with trials that only made us stronger. We battled werewolves and vampires. We fought one another. In the end, our love was one of fate and destiny. Two mismatched souls, fitting together perfectly like a puzzle. One had no function without the other. Some would call our behavior from that time selfish, dramatic and sinful. I begged Edward to take my life, to let me join him for eternity, and he pleaded with me to appreciate my humanity, respect a value system, and be happy with what I had.

After reaching a series of compromises, we married at eighteen, in front of our friends and family. I had the reserved blessing of my family; after all, who were they to lecture about marrying young? And, his family was ecstatic, eagerly waiting for me to 'join' them when the time was right. A vampire/human relationship was unprecedented as far as we knew, but we were prepared for the risks. Our love was never going to die, even though death was necessary for that to happen.

After our wedding, burning with desire and passion, Edward and I traveled to a remote island, owned by the Cullens, for our honeymoon, and discovered more intimate sides of one another. We spent days on the beach, basking openly in the sun while Edward glittered like a diamond, and I turned red like a lobster. In the solitude of the island, we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. Our bodies were in a constant frenzy of touching or groping, and I took to the habit of straddling him on the sand, pressing the warmth of my body against his cool flesh. I found I couldn't get enough of him, and at times it felt like he wanted to consume me, just not the way we were accustomed. At night, we would lie in the enormous bed and make love, his body fitting to mine like perfection. He was gentle and soft, my safety his main priority. I didn't care; every moment he was inside me I craved for more, like a thirst I couldn't quench. My tongue would seek his skin, licking and sucking, trying to taste him.

I was ravenous for my husband.

One morning we were lying in bed, the thick white covers bunched around, as a soft breeze ruffled the mosquito nets surrounding us. I was tired, my eyes barely able to stay open, and I happily laid on my pillow, dozing, while Edward's hands documented my body, looking for anything he may have missed in his previous explorations. In my haze, I felt his smooth palm ghost over my breast, causing me to smile before it settled flatly just above, resting on my heart. Lazily taking a peek in his direction, I noticed a look of serious concentration on his face. His eyes met mine, and they narrowed as he scrutinized my face.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

Sitting upright, he pulled me with him, forcing me awake. Concern filled his eyes as his fingers began checking my eyes like an optometrist.

"What are you doing?" I said, swatting his hands away. He was freaking me out.

His expression was odd and confused, but he finally spoke, "Your heartbeat. It's slower than normal. The normal rhythm it maintains is…off. And your eyes…" he trailed off, peering into my eyes. "The color is different…"

Confused by his words, but too tired to remain sitting, I flopped back on the pillow, sleep overtaking me. Struggling to speak, I mumbled, "I'm so tired…and my throat, it hurts…"

The last thing I felt were Edward's hands shaking my shoulders and calling my name, but it was too late, I was slipping, deep, into another place.

oOo

I dreamt I was a circus performer. My trick was to take a stick, the end blazing with fire, and slowly push it down my throat. 'Bella the Fire Eating Lady.' I wore an outfit made of red satin that pushed my boobs up to my chin and had a very short skirt covered with crimson sequins. I had performed the trick many times before, but this time, after I swallowed the fire, my throat began to burn furiously. Extracting the baton, I ran around shouting for water, begging anyone I could for help.

First, I ran to Emmett, the strong man, who laughed, flexing his muscles and told me to stop being ridiculous, that water wouldn't help. He picked up a Rosalie, dressed as an acrobat, flipped her over his shoulder, and walked away mocking my thirst.

Next, I spotted Alice who had on a long skirt and whose head was wrapped in a scarf. Hoops dangled from her ears, and she held up a crystal ball. "There's no water in your future, my dear." She cackled. "Although, I do see a makeover of sorts…remember, blue is your color…" she said before disappearing into thin air.

Grasping my throat, I spun to find Carlisle dressed as a ring master standing behind me. He wore black boots to his knees, a red jacket, and a shiny black top hat. "Bella," he said. "As your doctor, I must tell you that the burning will end. It's almost over." Before I could question any further, he skipped off under the big top to start the show.

Swallowing was painful, intense, and I was close to passing out from the sheer ache when I heard a low hiss from around the side of the tent. Desperately thinking there were animal cages on the other side, I began running, tripping over a rope, and landing not on the ground but in the arms of my savior, Edward.

"Edward," I rasped. "My throat, it burns…" I cried and buried my face in his chest. "Please help me…I need water."

"Shhh…" he cooed and smoothed out my hair. "Water won't help. But I know what can."

I nodded, relieved that as usual my guardian angel was here to protect me. To take care of me. "Anything, please just hurry. I can barely manage the pain," I sobbed.

Edward's hands cupped my face and he told me, "I need you to do what I say, okay? No arguments. It's the only way to make the burning stop."

"I will. Anything," I croaked, wincing at the irritation.

Edward reached a long finger to his neck and slowly cut across it with his sharp nail, a thin line of blood appearing, dripping slowly down his neck. Instead of repulsion, my thirst increased, and I realized at that moment the only thing that would quench it and stop the pain was his blood.

I leapt towards him, mouth open, and tongue latching onto his skin. I sucked and bit, pushing his body so forcefully he fell to the ground, but he never fought back, allowing me to take him as he knew I would do for him.

In a daze of bloodlust, I heard a voice, Edward's, calling my name. "Bella…Bella…I need you to wake up…" I heard him say in his soft voice. But, I didn't want to wake. I needed more blood, more, as I was still thirsty, my thirst barely satiated.

"Bella. Wake up." I heard him say louder. I forced my eyes open, leaving the circus behind and finding myself in the island cottage, warm wind blowing through the open windows. Squinting, I was overwhelmed by the glare when I saw him, surrounded by a halo of light, hovering over me.

"My angel." I sighed and reached my hand up to caress his face, surprisingly finding his face warm, no longer cold under my touch. "What's wrong with me?" I asked, concerned by the look in his eyes.

"Nothing. It's just…" and before he finished he bent over and kissed me so softly on the lips. But, soft wasn't what raced through my body. Sitting up, I pulled him to me, kissing and licking and to my astonishment, he pushed me back with force, opening his mouth and letting my tongue inside to run across his teeth. My body buzzed with energy, all of my sensations heightened, and power coursed through my veins. I knew at that moment everything had changed.

I had _changed_.

I wasn't sure how it happened, but it definitely had. "I thought kissing you before was heaven. I had _no_ idea," I admitted and licked my lips for his taste.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know it could happen this way." He breathed into my mouth, not seeming very sorry at all. Lifting me, so I wrapped my legs around his waist he carried me outside.

"What way?" I asked, my eyes scanning his neck for the tear in his skin from my dream. I wanted him to bleed, so I could taste him.

"Your transformation occurred from the times we made love." His eyes were cast down, shame filled his beautiful face. "My venom infected you. I can't believe my recklessness."

I nuzzled my face in his neck, inhaling his unique scent. "Never apologize. It's our destiny." Edward dropped my feet onto the hot sand, and I lifted my arms allowing the sunlight to glimmer across my flesh. I felt the enormous grin spread across my face and ignored the look of trepidation in Edward's eye.

My legs felt strong, I had balance and control, and it was like pulling on the perfect pair of jeans. I'd slid into the body of a champion, and I was ecstatic.

Reaching for Edward's hand, feeling the amplified glory of his skin next to mine, I smiled and gave him a kiss. "Now," I said, looking in his eyes, black from hunger, "teach me everything I need to know."

And, he did.

Over the next several years, he taught me to hunt and to abstain from my basic desires. He taught me how to push my body to the limit: running, climbing and using my strength as an asset. He showed me what to do with the extra hours one has if you never sleep, and together we learned how to love like a married couple who had forever.

Once I had control over my feeding habits, we slowly ventured into society. Taking classes, traveling, spending time alone or with the family. Life developed a pattern, a rhythm that we fell into with ease. After some time, Edward decided to pursue an actual career in medicine, and I wrote and wrote and wrote, building an empire in literature.

We were happy.

Degrees acquired, certifications met, and careers in focus, we left the family with hugs and tearless goodbyes. Our belongings packed in a huge truck, we traveled through the small towns of America finally moving into this old, rustic farmhouse to begin the next phase of our life. Edward went to work, and at night we painted and sanded, renovating the house to a level of perfection even Esme would envy.

Our house was white and gleaming on the outside with black, glossy shutters and comfortable rockers spread across the wide front porch. Inside, we had a top of the line kitchen we never used, and four fully-outfitted bedrooms that never saw a sleeping visitor. Our room was spacious and comfortable, filled with the warm browns and greens of the place we met. It was our nest.

We were happy.

Sitting now in the living room, listening to the crackling fire in the mammoth stone fireplace, I thought about our journey and how we reached this place. "What are you thinking about?" I heard from across the room and saw Edward, who, after all these years, still couldn't read my mind, looking quizzically at me.

My thoughts returned to the present and I admitted, "You and me, and our honeymoon. How it all happened and now, our life together."

Age old pain flittered across his face, and I felt a surge of sympathy for my caring husband. He never wanted to cause me pain, and the outcome of our honeymoon remained a sore spot between us.

"Edward, stop it. You know it was for the best."

"I took away your choice. I only wanted that."

"I made my choice that day in the meadow when I chose you over everything else. And, on that day in Volterra on the Plaza. And, after the fight with Victoria; not to mention our wedding. Edward, I chose you every one of those times. I sacrificed it all from the beginning because I loved you. Don't tell me I didn't have a choice."

Separated by our chairs and a soft braided rug, my sweet husband nodded, pretending to accept my words for the millionth time before we returned our focus to the projects in our laps and the constant routine of our lives. We pretended that everything was fine. That the guilt Edward felt from our beginning, my beginning, hadn't affected every aspect of our lives.

We pretended because that is what married couples do when everything else is right and one thing is wrong.

* * *

**A/N -please note that i could never have written any of this fic without OCD. she LITERALLY held my virtual hand while i wrote this. I also would like to thank Bethaboo for giving me the idea that made this story not fizzle out into nothingness. She has an awesome contribution to the Auction called "Putting Lessons:Growing Pains" It is really good and i suggest you give it a try... Also a thanks to Wolves&Vamps for pushing me outside my comfort zone. I am aware this is much shorter than my normal work but this is how it had to come together. I'm very eager to hear what you think so please drop me a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the great response on chapter one! I really appreciate it. This story is very different for me, the size and theme and i love any feedback you can give. Please thank Wolves&Vamps for planting this seed in my head. Nev for attacking my Commas and OCD for holding my hand. Hopefully you can read this after the bare-chested rob induced haze we were just injected with! I know i'm having a hard time!!!

Chapter 2

* * *

Standing over the bear carcass, I wiped a speck of blood off the corner of my mouth with my thumb. I quickly sucked the smear off with my tongue and heard laughter from above.

"Emmett would be jealous," Edward called from the hill above with a bright smile on his face. Leaping down the steep incline, his feet landed with a thud next to the huge black bear. He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

I licked his lip as he pulled away. "You taste like elk."

His eyes were lighter now, bright yellow, glowing at me in the dark. Edward laughed and said, "Not all of us were lucky enough to snare a bear." I felt his finger run along my shoulder, grazing my skin where fabric should have been. "Although it looks like he tried to take a piece of you with him."

I looked down and saw a large tear in my blouse, revealing a large portion of skin from my collarbone to my arm. I was giddy and well fed. I could feel the blood coursing through my veins, and the excitement of the hunt made me eager. Edward's touch sent a chilling feeling through my body, even after all this time.

Edward was looking around the area, trying to determine where he could dispose of the bear. I watched his graceful movements as he found a small dry creek bed in which he tossed the remains and threw a decaying shrub over the animal in case hunters came through the area. When I was human, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to never change, but Edward was like looking at a photograph. Strong and lean. Muscles tight. Square jaw. Tuggable hair. Everything about him was still perfect. A god. My Adonis, I had called him at the time.

He was exactly the same; I realized as I watched him bend over and his shirt inched up as he threw another pile of debris over the carcass, showing me the smooth skin hugging the edge of his pants.

I wanted my husband as much today as I had all those years ago when I attempted to seduce him on his ridiculous wrought iron bed. Unfortunately, the concerns and issues we had before my change shifted and festered into something wholly new. His concern for my safety and virtue had manifested into remorse and guilt. We allowed it to seep into the fissures of our marriage and settle inside, infecting our life, our love, and our happiness.

I watched him now, brushing his hands together in an attempt to remove the dirt from our hunt. I wanted his hands on me, dirty and raw. I craved his approval. Edward loved me, and he made love to me, but it was like I was still human, fragile, an object that could break. The passion evaporated once I began my new life. Inside, there was a woman begging him to push me against a tree, to feel the pressure of his strength and have him accept everything I was and am and will be forever.

Instead, he walked to me slowly, gave me the same perfectly lovely smile he always did and asked, "Are you ready?" He then clasped his hand with mine, and I followed him home in the dark.

Xxx

At the edge of the forest, just before we crossed into the shorter, tamed grass of our lawn, a breeze flittered past our noses.

We had company.

Unsurprisingly, Edward pushed me behind his solid body, protective as though I was still delicate, and said, "Wait here."

I, of course, rolled my eyes in the darkness and followed but stopped short when I was able to distinguish the scents waiting for us on the porch. One was a vampire, the other a human. They stood, nicely dressed at the top of the steps, and I now noticed a small car on the pebble covered driveway. They were civilized. And a couple, I reasoned by the way his arm snaked around her waist, and she leaned into him.

Edward's head was inched slightly to the left, an indication that he was reading their minds and assessing the situation. He appeared tentative but not defensive which put me at ease. Our visitors must have made their intentions clear.

I slipped my hand into the back of Edward's pants, tugging at him to slow down and wait for me. The couple was smiling as we approached, and as we stopped at the bottom of the stairs, Edward offered a cordial, "Hello."

The man, the vampire, returned the greeting and said, "I'm Hayden and this is Camille." The tall girl with long, flowing, black hair and beautiful dark skin stepped forward with an excited grin. Hayden's honey-colored eyes were not lost on me, and I was forced to admit I was intrigued by our visitors.

I smiled at the couple. "I'm Bella, and this is my husband Edward, but I suspect you already know this," I said, trying to figure out exactly what was going on.

"It's a thrill to meet you," the woman gushed, which caused Edward and I to look at one another quizzically.

The situation was odd, so I attempted to break the discomfort by inviting them inside, and they eagerly accepted. I led them into the house stopping in the front room and looking at Camille I asked, "Can I offer you anything? I have drinks." I kept them on hand just in case a patient or colleague of Edward's stumbled by.

"No, thank you," she said, shaking her head a little and letting her sweet smell rush past my nose.

Edward pointed to the couch, and we all sat. Hayden and Camille sat happily on the blue couch, hips touching, fingers laced together. I eyed their connection with envy as Edward and I sat in the two matching chairs across from them, separated by more than the mere distance of the chairs.

Once everyone was settled, Edward asked the most obvious questions. 'Why are you here?' and 'What do you want?' These questions were spoken for my benefit. He already knew what they wanted, of course, since he could pluck the thoughts out of their minds. Whatever it was, it distressed him which only intrigued me more.

I looked at the couple across from me. I assumed they were in their mid twenties. Camille was wearing a university sweatshirt, jeans, and sneakers. Hayden was small, thin, and no taller than Camille. His short blonde hair was cut conservatively. He wasn't particularly handsome; although every time he looked at the woman next to him on the couch, his lips curved upwards, and his expression went soft. He loved her.

Hayden threaded his fingers through Camille's and began speaking. "We came to talk to you. You're something of a legend among our kind, you know? Not only do you hail from a coven who doesn't feed on humans, you," and he gestured to Edward, "fell in love with a human."

Edward ran his hand through his hair while Camille spoke up next. "We want to be like you. Or rather, I want to be like you. I am determined to change for Hayden." She turned towards him and smiled. Apprehension crossed his face, but he pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it.

"But you don't want to change her," I interjected, feeling Edward stiffen next to me.

He shook his head. "I do want her with me forever. But, it seems wrong. Selfish. I'm happy the way things are. Why is it wrong to be content?"

Camille turned to me and begged, "We agreed to find you and ask you for your opinion. Bella, please help me convince him that it's the right thing to do."

I sat across from this young girl, older than I was at the time of my change and saw the desperation in her eyes. She knew her time was limited. That soon she would be older than the man next to her physically. That her body was a ticking clock, counting the moments until her death, while next to her was this immortal man who had the ability to make everything different.

I reached out across the empty space to take her hand. With a small glance towards my husband, whose perfect jaw was clenched and tight, I spoke honestly. "Just because it's the right thing for you, doesn't mean it is the right thing for him. I can assure you that if he has one shred of doubt, your relationship will carry this burden for eternity."

The room was quiet as everyone digested the words I shared. Clearly, my opinion was unexpected, and I wasn't surprised that the first sound I heard was the splintering of wood as Edward snapped the arm off the chair he was sitting in and stormed out of the room.

The truth hurts.

I calmly remained with our guests as they gaped at Edward's abrupt exit. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs in front of me. "Edward has carried guilt with him ever since the day of my change. He doesn't like to admit it, but I know the pain it causes him."

"But, doesn't being together forever make up for any guilt? And you're happy, right?" Camille asked, while Hayden sat quietly next to her.

I sighed. "I am happy. The life I'm leading is exactly what I wanted. I love my husband and my career. I love my home and my wonderful family. There is nothing I would take back, except," and I gave Camille a hard look, "the fact I would give it all up to eliminate his anguish and remorse."

The three of us sat quietly for a while, two of us having no real concept of time, the other reeling from my announcements. I was in no hurry to make this couple leave my home. In fact, if I could save them some of the heartache and pain we had suffered for decades, then I would talk to them as long as they needed.

Fidgeting on the couch across from me, Camille finally spoke. "How did it happen? The change?"

This was information they needed to know…immediately, as it was obvious their relationship hadn't progressed that far. "On our honeymoon," I told them bluntly. "When we made love. It took multiple times for the effect to take hold, but eventually, there was enough venom to trigger my change. Honestly, it was an amazing way to transform."

Hayden who had been silent finally spoke, "You mean, the venom in his…our…it can cause you to change?"

I nodded and ignored the sound of a slamming door in the upper floor of our house.

"But why does Edward feel guilt? I don't understand?" Camille asked, her eyes darting towards the ceiling.

I searched for the right words, but before I could speak, Hayden said, "Because Bella didn't have a choice."

Camille turned to him and argued, "But she did. It's what she wanted. It was almost better than choosing because it was as if nature made the decision for them. The transformation came from an act of love. I couldn't ask for anything better." Her dark hair shook as she spoke, and her face became flushed under its naturally dark tint. I considered how she would make a stunning vampire.

I nodded at her words, knowing that she understood what she was asking for. "But, Edward doesn't accept this. Or me. Not fully. He loves me. He would do _anything _for me, but let this go. He can't let this go. And, that's what your decision is really about."

The couple across from me was quiet, absorbing my words. I couldn't read minds like my husband, but I was pretty sure they needed some time alone to think about everything they had just heard and witnessed. And, I needed to find Edward. The damage had been done, years ago, but this visit opened old wounds.

I excused myself from our guests. Walking down the shadowy hallway, the morning light reflecting off the yellow hardwood floors, I passed the photographs we had lining the walls. In each home, I made sure there was a place to represent the family, Charlie and Renee, even Phil. I missed them, but they thought I had died years ago with Edward in a freak accident. My memories of them were fading, which Edward said was common, but I still attempted to do what I could to keep the little bit I had with me.

I entered our bedroom. Our sanctuary. It was the place we often had our most honest conversations. I crawled across the bedspread sitting cross-legged in the middle of the mattress. Edward was looking out the window, towards the deep forests that touched our backyard. I willed him to me, and in moments I felt the bed shift as Edward climbed on top and sat so our knees touched.

"Wow. That was really weird," I said referring to the unexpected visitors sitting on our couch downstairs.

Edward sighed. "Yes, I have to admit I definitely wasn't expecting that."

I watched as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair. I was doubtful that the couple had any idea they were going to be the catalyst for a major discussion between the two of us when they arrived, but Edward knew, and he wasn't happy about it.

"Do you remember when we were like that?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Of course. I remember everything about you," he answered, and I felt his finger glide across my hand.

"I don't know if I ever told you, but I really loved it when you climbed in my window at night and stayed with me," I confessed.

He laughed quietly. "I knew."

"How?" I demanded, unsurprised since Edward truly did seem to know everything.

"Your heartbeat. Every time I got there your heart tripled in speed," he told me and placed his hand over my long dormant heart. The sorrow was evident in his eyes.

"Did you know that in your room that night, before the fight with Victoria, I really wanted this ring?" I held up the antique gold diamond and twisted it around my finger.

Edward pulled my hand forward and kissed the ring and my palm and raised an eyebrow. "_That_ I didn't know. And I'm not sure I believe it now."

"I did want it, but I was scared. It all moved so fast, but at the same time everything felt right." I sighed and smiled at his gorgeous face. "I realize now we were pawns in a larger plan. Fate."

"Is it fate when you pluck someone out of their previous existence and force them into your own?" His voice trembled slightly, either out of anger or sadness; I wasn't sure which.

His eyes cast downward, and I forced myself to speak evenly. "Are you talking about me or you? Because that is _not_ what happened to me."

"Don't deny my failures, Bella," was all he said in response.

"Edward, do you remember how desperate we were? How ridiculously in love? How we almost lost one another more than once?" I reached my hand to his face and forced his eyes to my own. "Do you remember when I jumped off a cliff and you submitted yourself to the Volturi? Do you remember when James tried to kill me, and Victoria and Riley…do you remember these things?" I threw these things at him because he did forget; he didn't remember clearly. "The only way to be together was for me to become like you."

He didn't speak, but I saw the anger boiling beneath his eyes. I was determined to settle this for once, so I pushed further. "Sometimes I think you aren't hung up on whether or not this was my choice but the fact you never wanted me to be a vampire in the first place. You wanted me weak and frail. You wanted power over me. You never wanted…" and I gestured to my supernatural self, "this."

I suppressed a cringe as I saw the pain develop on Edward's face. I didn't want to hurt him, but I needed this to end. My husband needed to be whole. His mouth opened and shut several times before he abandoned his attempt to speak. His fingers moved to the bridge of his nose as he struggled with my accusation.

"Bella, you and I both know that my actions caused your change. My desires and ultimate lack of control. I should have known I could infect you that way, but I wanted you so badly, I never stopped to think."

I scoffed at his words. "Your desires? Do you not remember me walking out of the bathroom in a white, lace negligee, one size too small? I wanted you from the minute I walked in that room. I'm the one that crawled on top of your body and slid down on top of you. I'm the one that whispered reassurances to you when the blood lust became too much, and together, we worked past it. Don't you see? It was destiny. Neither of us had to choose. Nature chose for us."

Below us, I could hear the soft voices of Hayden and Camille as they conversed. They were happy sounds, not angry or sad like the words coming from our room. I could hear Camille giggle which again caused further pain to settle on Edward's face.

"What?" I asked knowing he could 'hear' them better than I could.

His face became stony. "She has convinced him. You were right. They hadn't had sex yet because they were unsure of the safety, and Hayden wasn't positive he could remain in control. But now," he paused and ran his fingers quickly through his hair, "the story of our honeymoon solidified their plan in their heads."

Surprised that anyone would take a look at the pain we were suffering and decide to join our ranks, I said, "Well, they're young and in love. They want each other. I can't say I don't relate. I definitely can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. Edward at no time in my life, from the moment I laid eyes on you, could we have been kept apart."

I looked at my husband with his disheveled hair and pained eyes and inched into his lap. Kissing his stubborn jaw, I told him, "I love you. All of you, even that chauvinistic, arrogant know-it-all that lives in your head. But, you also have to accept me for who I am."

He wasn't looking at me as I spoke; he was staring off to the side, head slightly cocked, listening to the couple below. I trained my ears to follow his but heard little, only Camille's quick breaths and Hayden's slow movements. Edward, on the other hand, knew exactly what they were thinking. I could tell by his expression that the decision had been made by these two, and sooner rather than later Camille would join us.

Overwhelmed by distress, Edward hugged me tight and then released me, sliding me off his lap. Without another word he left the room, and a moment later, I heard the thick, wooden, screen door open, the large, coiled springs creaking as it swung open. That was followed by the loud slap of the door against the house. He was leaving, I knew this, but I was surprised when I heard the engine of his truck flare and the rocks kick off his tires as he sped down the driveway.

Lying back on the pillow, I had no doubt that the events of the day had finally pushed Edward to acknowledge the issues we had. It had taken years for him to clearly hear the words I had tried to say over and over, but I think the visit from Hayden and Camille finally made it sink in. His regret was killing our marriage.

I lifted my hand in the air, letting the sunlight from the window cast a glitter of diamonds from the skin on my hand and arm. I shifted my hand until the light caught my ring, letting it reflect onto the ceiling. From the minute he bent on one knee and offered me this ring, and this life, I knew exactly what my future would hold.

It was time for Edward to let go of the past and live with me here, in the present.

* * *

Sigh...so sad. Poor Edward...LET IT GO! okay, reviews are like rob shirtless and showing his new hot stuff body...aka..awesome.


	3. Chapter 3

EPOV

I drove through the night with no concern to the speed limits or warnings as I plowed through Wyoming and later climbed the mountains and hills of Colorado.

Fear had a solid grip on my emotions as I drove without thought to the only other place I could find help, as I had fled from my first choice.

Bella was right. She always was. The guilt I felt from her transformation had been eating away at our marriage from the beginning. It was ridiculous and unreasonable, but it was how I felt. This small nagging part of me always knew I should have left that day we met in Forks and never turned back. But, I was weak. And selfish. And I took what wasn't mine. Gripping the steering wheel, I turned onto the familiar road and shifted into four wheel drive to climb the steep driveway on my left. As I thought about Bella's talk of fate and destiny, I scoffed. It was ridiculous.

I stopped the truck near the door of the cabin. There were no cars out front, but they easily could be in the back. As I got out of the car, the dark brown, wood slatted house seemed quiet, although I could hear a ruffle of thought coming from inside.

Climbing the front steps, I paused at the top, having no idea what I was doing here or what I wanted to achieve. I was wavering for a moment, considering leaving before I was seen, but just as my foot fell back a step, the door opened, and the entrance was lit by a welcoming face.

Esme.

"Edward! I thought I heard your truck!" she exclaimed and received me in her arms instantly. I melted a little as one tends to do when embraced by a mother.

_What's wrong?_

I shrugged and forced a smile on my face. "Is Carlisle here?"

Understanding graced the corners of her eyes, and she said, "Come in." I followed her into the inviting cabin she and Carlisle shared.

_He's not here, at work, some kind of accident._

"Oh," I said, feeling defeated.

Esme led me to the living room where we sat on a soft leather couch, scarred and battered from wear. "How's Bella?" she prodded gently.

I sighed and leaned back in my seat. I wasn't sure I could or should talk to anyone about this. It was our problem, mine and Bella's. We should work through it on our own.

"She's fine," I said before laughing bitterly. "If you don't include the fact she's very angry with me right now."

_What did you do?_

"Why do you assume it was me?" I feigned offense. Of course it was me.

I looked at Esme, with her soft caramel hair and receptive eyes. She only wanted to help.

Sighing deeply, I told her what had happened. I described Hayden and Camille and Bella's words of regret. I explained the horrible, festering situation we had gotten ourselves into, led by my stubbornness.

_She's right._

"No. Not this time," I defended.

"I'm not going to argue with you, Edward. She _is_ right. And you need to let it go. Do you want to be right or happy? Because obviously you can't have both. You can lose her if you don't." Her words were harsh, and I felt like I had been slapped across the face.

Esme stood up and crossed the room, fingering a photograph of Carlisle that was decoratively arranged on the mantle. "I carried guilt once. For my first marriage and my child. I threw myself off a cliff trying to erase it." She turned and studied my face carefully. "Don't throw it all away, Edward." And in her mind she gave me an image I never expected to see again.

The vision was of the family from the years before Bella entered our life. Everyone was there, laughing and happy. Except for me. Surrounded by socially functioning people, it was obvious I was empty. Lifeless and sad.

I winced at the picture.

_Bella made you whole. She accepted you for everything you are. It's time you do the same for her._

And with shock, Esme revealed another image, this time of me and Bella, after the fight with Victoria. She was small and frail. Almost childlike. Her face was brave whereas her eyes were tired, but they followed me with concern and love. Acceptance even after seeing me at my worst.

I made a face in Esme's direction and she only nodded knowing I had seen what she projected. I flopped back on the couch and dropped my head in my hands. I had all the information I needed, and now I just had to work through it and make the right decision.

Xxx

I turned into our driveway, the night air cool and damp. I'd left Esme hours ago and driven directly back home. To Bella. My wife.

During the solitude of the drive, I thought of the Bella, Esme had shown me, the one before her change. I loved that girl. She was the one that brought me to life and showed me my humanity. She taught me there are things to fight for.

But now, the Bella of today, was not only physically strong, but she was a woman. Bella was smart and educated, professional and caring. She had proven herself among her colleagues and supported me through my own shift into adulthood.

If I had to do it over again I knew, without a doubt, which Bella I would pick.

I stopped in front of the house and noticed with some relief that Hayden and Camille had left. I didn't have time to deal with their issues now, as I had to rectify my own.

Leaping up the steps, I flung open the creaky door and heard it slam against the wall before it bounced back into place. Lamps lit the rooms as I wandered through the house, but Bella was no where around. It was silent, but I caught a whiff of her scent at the back door, tracing it to the edge of the woods.

I traveled quickly, light on my feet, as though I was hunting. Bella had her preferred places to track animals. In the darkness of the forest, I made my rounds, keeping a keen eye and ear out for any sound.

It only took a short while before I found her, crouched low behind a rock, with her sights on an elk drinking from the stream. She was watching and waiting for her opportunity. So was I.

Just as she sprung from her spot, I hurled myself through the air and slammed into her body, crashing us both into the ground. A low growl escaped her lips as I landed on top of her, pinning her in the soft dirt, her hair splayed across the leaves.

Bella's expression went from anger to confusion, and I let my eyes travel to her full, pink lips. Greedily I reached for her face, sliding my fingers into her hair, and pulled her mouth to mine.

Her resistance was minimal, and when I broke the kiss, I said gruffly, "I thought I told you not to enter the woods alone."

Her lips tugged into a small smile, and I felt her knee slip up between our bodies. With force, she planted her foot into my chest and deftly kicked me off, throwing me back into the trees.

In a flash she was standing over me, smug. "That was then. I'm more than capable of taking care of myself now."

It was a challenge I was ready to accept. I grinned wickedly at her and hopped to my feet only to hear the rustle of branches as she fled though the forest. Her laughter echoed through the trees, and it only took a minute before I spotted her jumping up to grab a limb hanging midway up a tree. Bending my knees, I launched myself through the darkness, catching her by the soft skin of her calf, and together we tumbled to the ground in a heap.

Hovering over her, I reached up to pull a leaf from her hair and kissed her again, hard. "You know I'm faster than you." I breathed into her mouth.

"I know," she replied, lust glinting off the yellow of her eyes, and pushed her hips into mine. I felt her small hand slip down to the waistband of my pants and brush against the skin underneath, making me gasp. Placing my fingers on her shirt, I pulled, straining the buttons until they popped one by one onto the ground. With her shirt hanging limply from her shoulders, I pushed her breasts together with my hands before kissing her soundly once again.

After Esme's revelations, I knew what I wanted. This. My wife. Beautiful, strong and immortal. I wanted her smart and funny. I wanted her dangerous and predatory. As her fingers tugged my shirt over my head and tore the button off my pants, I knew without a doubt my days of remorse were behind me.

I wanted _this _Bella. And I wanted her now.

I flipped us, yanking her pants off her body, pressing my hard erection into her skin. She wiggled beneath me, and I felt her sharp, catlike nails scratch into my skin as she tried to gain leverage. In one swift motion, I adjusted her hips, tilting her upward, and plunged into her, fitting perfectly like a key in a lock.

Her eyes widened as my body connected with hers. I panicked for a brief moment, afraid I had gone too far, but all I saw was her lip curled into a smirk and desire in her eyes. Bella and I had made love countless times in our marriage. Always tender and pure. I worshiped her and her body as though it was the most precious treasure I could ever possess. But, Bella wasn't a prize I had won. She was her own person, and she allowed me access to her life. I'd always shoved the demon inside me back, away from her. I realized just now, as Bella's body writhed against mine, her teeth grazing the hard skin of my shoulder, that she wanted all of this from me as well. There was no part of me she wouldn't accept and love. The demon, as well as the angel.

Panting against her skin, I hissed from desire as I crashed into her indestructible body over and over, the soft dirt underneath us shifting as we drove into the ground. I felt her quaking beneath me, trembling, as her fingers slipped into mine, dirty and damp. I caught her eye and told her without a trace of remorse or fear, "I love you," before I lost all sense of reason. Bella's groan of ecstasy filled the quiet night, and I thrust into her once more with all the force I could muster, harder than ever before, and spilled my venom inside, knowing that Bella and I were now whole.

Xxx

We exited the woods later, much later, as the sun was to the west in the sky. The forest looked as though a tornado had struck, trees dislodged, limbs broken, but the anger of our past was left behind, buried as Edward buried himself in me time and time again. Between the assaults on our flesh, as we rediscovered one another, _all _of each other this time, we talked about the issues that had infected our relationship.

Sitting by the stream, gently washing the dirt off my face with his shirt, Edward confessed that by giving up his remorse, he had been terrified he would give up a slice of his humanity. He admitted that when my heart took it's final beat on that island so long ago, a piece of him died as well.

Knowingly, I smiled at him as he said this, because these confessions were all part of why I loved my Edward so much. Because he did worry about these things. And, about me and about us, but he also had to put a little trust into things that were out of his control.

Holding Edward's hand, I tugged him, torn and battered, into the mid afternoon sun. His chest was gleaming, the shirt long gone, and I ran my own glittering hand over it possessively.

"Tell me again why you didn't kill me the first time you saw me?" I teased, skipping ahead towards the porch.

"Destiny," he said, rolling his eyes, but without the doubt from before.

I stood now, on the bottom step, waiting for him to step closer to me. "And when you saved me from the van?"

"Fate."

"And when I found you in Italy?"

"Fate."

"And when we married and you managed not to kill me on our honeymoon?" That one was a trick question.

"Destiny," he confirmed with a hard kiss on my lips.

Destiny.

* * *

that's it. 3 chapters!

thank you wolves&vamps for having the faith in me to put your hard earned money towards the support stacie auction and on me. This was really a stretch for me and it was a great learning experience. HUGE!!! i owe you.

thank you to OCD and NEV for betaing this and helping so much.

Also, on a personal note, i tied for first place in the twilighted original story contest. please check my profile for the link and go read it. Its about a girl and a guy who has superpowers. sigh. hot.

thank you for all the reviews! See you over on COH!


End file.
